3 Tips on How to Survive Getting Tied to A Chair and Shot During Your Second Job Interview

Job interviews can be tough. Especially when they lead to two or three follow-up interviews. Let’s say you nailed the first one over the phone, but now it’s time to physically go into the office of your potential employer, meet the team, let them tie you to a chair, and shoot you in the chest with a .44 Remington Magnum or Beretta 92X. The second interview can be a little more nerve-wracking.

Obviously, when given the choice, any young professional would prefer to be shot with 9mm rounds over .44 Magnum rounds, due to the much higher muzzle energy and lethality of the .44 Magnum. However, one must be prepared to experience either situation if they wish to make a salary over $30,000 per year.

Let’s be honest, getting tied to a chair and shot is no fun no matter which gun your soon-to-be boss is using. Here are a few simple tips on how to survive this process and secure the gig.

1.) Wear a bulletproof vest.

A bulletproof vest is key to surviving getting shot in the chest. Luckily, due to the horrific era of tactical gun violence in which we live, Kevlar is not too difficult to get your hands on. Experts suggest purchasing a solid vest from a reliable dealer that can be worn to multiple interviews. Most job-seekers already know that once you’re hit by the first bullet, the vest is now damaged and unserviceable. However, wearing a damaged vest is better than not wearing a vest at all, and it will continue to stop bullets as long as the gunman doesn’t hit the same spot twice. Most of them come in black, which can smartly blend in with any formal business attire.

2.) Do not move.

Trying to move out of the way of your interviewer’s gunshot will often cause more problems than it solves. The interviewer may be trying to scare you by firing the shot near you, and moving could cause you to put yourself in harm’s way when you otherwise would have remained safe. Attempting to move out of the way or “flinching” will also reveal signs of cowardice on your part, which could harm your chances of getting hired.

3.) Be funny!

Humor can go a long way. Making a joke or tastefully sarcastic remark in the face of certain death can show a company how levelheaded you’re able to remain under pressure. Ultimately, people want to work with people they want to see every day regardless of whether they’re “the best” at what they do. Making your interviewer laugh is an easy way to push past their emotional walls and create a lasting impression. Plus, it may cause them to put down the gun and halt the entire process of shooting you in the first place. Even if you don’t get the job, avoiding any amount of bullet damage to your Kevlar vest should be celebrated as a win.

Although the job market is still tougher than it’s been in recent decades, the world is beginning to open back up and the industrious sound of gunshots coming from office buildings has been steadily increasing. People are ready to get back to work and employers are ready to hire them.

Follow these tips, stay alert, don’t get shot in the face, and soon you’ll be working your dream job for over $40,000 per year. You might even get health insurance, which could potentially take care of any injuries you may have sustained during the interview process, depending on your coverage plan. It’ll be like it never happened, and your family can blissfully move forward living paycheck to paycheck, completely incapable of purchasing a home.