“I injected my urine into my own arm. Now what?” This is a question I’ve heard countless times since I began writing about health despite my dangerous lack of knowledge potentially being a legal liability. Obviously, I know some things about health. Everyone does. You’d listen to somebody at your…

So, you bought a train whistle in Lake Geneva. It’s fine! Hey, there is nothing wrong with that. People do it all the time. Getting home from a much needed vacation can be upsetting. …

Let’s face it, ladies. The reason you get on the bus is to find romance. Sure, you could say you’re using the bus because you got lost trying to find a book fair and realized you were actually at the wrong address, and now you have to go a mile…

HEALTH — In a bombshell report released by a group of prominent behavioral scientists located throughout the world confirmed the famously hypothesized type “A” personality label to be short for type “Annoying” personality. “We thought that was clear because those people are annoying,” Jade Rumsfeld, 60, a doctor and member…

UNITED STATES — Elena Marx, 29, has owned the same MacBook Air laptop for seven years, and she recently posted a photo of its charging cord online, the color of which sparked some concern from many of her friends and family. “That thing is really turning yellow, huh,” her brother…

UNITED STATES — A recent poll online created “just for fun” by the US Census Bureau has found that 65% of the US population wants to see one of the many upcoming recreational space flights containing extremely wealthy passengers explode at least once. “Once would be enough for me, but…

CHICAGO, IL — Residents near the North Center area of Lakeview have recently been complaining amongst each other about local landscapers using unnecessarily loud motorized landscaping tools when they could be using tools that don’t consume gasoline or make noise, and that complaint reached a new volume once a landscaper…

ENTERTAINMENT — After stirring the internet with a video showing members of the North Korean military performing various Coney Island-level strongman shows and pain exhibitions, the popular television series America’s Got Talent has announced that the entire North Korean military force will be competing in its upcoming season. “It’ll be…

WORLD — In a competition put on each year by the Photo Enrollment Network for International Society (PENIS), a stock image of a doctor shrugging has won Photo of the Year. “It’s funny,” said Virginia Bathurst, 68, one of the top judges for the globally recognized competition for the last…