UNITED STATES — Elena Marx, 29, has owned the same MacBook Air laptop for seven years, and she recently posted a photo of its charging cord online, the color of which sparked some concern from many of her friends and family. “That thing is really turning yellow, huh,” her brother…

UNITED STATES — A recent poll online created “just for fun” by the US Census Bureau has found that 65% of the US population wants to see one of the many upcoming recreational space flights containing extremely wealthy passengers explode at least once. “Once would be enough for me, but…

CHICAGO, IL — Residents near the North Center area of Lakeview have recently been complaining amongst each other about local landscapers using unnecessarily loud motorized landscaping tools when they could be using tools that don’t consume gasoline or make noise, and that complaint reached a new volume once a landscaper…

ENTERTAINMENT — After stirring the internet with a video showing members of the North Korean military performing various Coney Island-level strongman shows and pain exhibitions, the popular television series America’s Got Talent has announced that the entire North Korean military force will be competing in its upcoming season. “It’ll be…

WORLD — In a competition put on each year by the Photo Enrollment Network for International Society (PENIS), a stock image of a doctor shrugging has won Photo of the Year. “It’s funny,” said Virginia Bathurst, 68, one of the top judges for the globally recognized competition for the last…

ENTERTAINMENT— Pop superstar Adele has announced that her upcoming album will focus on her son’s sadness surrounding her amicable divorce from her longtime partner Simon Konecki. …

SPORTS — After placing third in a grueling 18-hole golf tournament held in New Donk City, Mario reportedly crashed his SUV while driving back to one of his many homes located in the suburbs just outside of the bustling metropolis. “He was combative, and we found multiple empty pill bottles…

ENTERTAINMENT — After revealing the cast of Super Mario Brothers: The Movie, an upcoming animated film starring the loveable plumber from the globally popular game franchise, Nintendo has come under scrutiny from the internet regarding its choice to give Chris Pratt the role of Mario. “We hear your complaints, but…

UNITED STATES — After the popularity and rise of her first sneeze, Kelly Bordeaux, 24, has confirmed that her face has decided to renew the release for 23 most sneezes. “I-,” Bordeaux began saying before sneezing three times in short succession, “I can’t stop.” The crowd of coworkers surrounding Bordeaux…