Adele’s New Album Set to Take Place of Just Talking to Her Son About Divorce

Pictured: Adele, no longer sad, considering using her son’s sadness as a source of inspiration.

ENTERTAINMENT— Pop superstar Adele has announced that her upcoming album will focus on her son’s sadness surrounding her amicable divorce from her longtime partner Simon Konecki. The album is intended to inform her son of the situation surrounding their marriage when he maybe listens to it later in life, rather than just talking to him about it now.

“I’m pretty much out of ideas,” Adele told Vogue, “I really wish Simon, my ex, would have hit me or something, you know, to really make it feel like it’s just me and my son against the world, but honestly, I left just to stir shit up. It made my kid sad, which is great because that’s the point of the album. I’m explaining the situation to him through this album rather than just talking to him. He’ll be fine. He’ll get over when he sees the fucking cars this album buys.”

The couple reportedly broke up near the end of 2019, beginning a year she says made her life fall apart, blindly acting as though COVID-19 didn’t mess everything up for everybody, and Konecki moved into a home across the street. The two British people have been respectful to each other throughout the entire proceedings, and reportedly “nothing bad” has happened, making this new album set to be Adele’s least interesting effort to date.

“That’s why I’m focusing on my son’s sadness for the whole album, rather than just talking to him in real life and having that be it, like a normal mom,” Adele continued, “I want him to listen to this album in his 20’s and 30’s because that’s when I think most young men really begin to enjoy listening to their mothers and understand that my separation from his father was extremely simple to understand and that he pretty much had it figured out when he was a child. He sees his dad all the time and he’s rich, but I swear to god my son is sad. This album is going to be good, I promise.”

Adele continued to defend how sad her family is for the next few minutes until she was guided out of the interview by an assistant. The first single to be released off the upcoming album is entitled “Hey, Listen, Your Dad And Me, We’re Not Going To Live Together Anymore, But He’s Going To Live Across The Street And You Still Get To Have A Tesla When You’re 14” is available now on all streaming platforms.