Area Man Needs Agave Nectar to Make “Cool” Drink
SOUIX CITY, IA — Members of the Rhode family are still waiting for 33-year-old Thomas O’Neil, boyfriend of their youngest daughter Jennifer, to make ‘cool’ drinks for them. “He said he knew how to make cool mix drinks,” Mary Ellen Rhode, Jennifer’s mother, told reporters, “But when I told him we didn’t have agave nectar, all of a sudden he didn’t know how to make cool mix drinks anymore.” O’Neil visited the Rhode residence for his first time around 7pm last night. In an effort to score points with his girlfriend’s family, he reportedly exaggerated about his bartending skills. “I told him he should just use simple syrup, but he didn’t know what that was,” Jennifer’s older sister Tabatha reported. O’Neil tinkered around with tequila and a lime slice for ten minutes before returning to the living room to inform the family that he would not be able to proceed without agave nectar. “Jennifer was so embarrassed,” Tabatha continued, “I mean, he sucks most of the time anyway, so when he acted all coy about making margaritas and then couldn’t do it, it was like holy shit dude.” Jennifer Rhode has declined to comment at this time.
