Biden Visits Hostage Situation on Set of Old Navy Commercial
UNITED STATES — After three weeks of intense negotiations with local officials, President Biden has decided to visit the set of an Old Navy commercial where the entire cast is reportedly being held hostage by governing entities within the clothing behemoth. “It’s a unique situation because they’re dancing and singing about jeans and freedom, but they’re actually being held hostage and will be executed by Old Navy if they stop,” President Biden said during a press conference, “So I’m going to go in there and see if I can’t set those hostages free. I’ve worn a few pairs of Old Navy in my day, but of course, in my day they were called Current Navy.” Well over half of the journalists in the room released audible laughter in response to the president’s joke, a ratio that experts say bodes well for the 78-year-old’s 2024 reelection. In the commercial, the American singer-songwriter H.E.R. is dancing and singing about freedom and jeans with a large group of children, all of whom are currently feeling the cold eye of death press upon their backs as they act out the commercial over and over again under strict orders to never stop for any reason. “No kid or cool lady guitar player is gonna get shot with a gun on the set of an Old Navy commercial while I’m in the White House, got it?” the president said to end his press conference before jogging out of sight of the reporters. So far, luckily, only one child has had his hand cut off to set an example for the other children. Old Navy has reportedly entered into negotiations with the United States government to end the imprisonment of these performers and return to being a clothing label that people only remember when they go to a mall.
