Bloody Mouth Officially Coolest Thing People Can Think Of

Pictured: Profile photo of a woman making herself look like she’s either a vampire, or she’s crazy, or she was in a fight or something.

UNITED STATES — For years, an overwhelming number of artists and performers have been taking photos of themselves with blood coming out of their mouths to simulate the look of being involved in a fight, being crazy, or being a vampire. “It looks really tough and cool because it’s like, blood, you know?” Derek Bucklin, 29, a comedian in Austin, Texas commented on a national poll asking people to suggest the coolest thing they can imagine. Bucklin proudly displayed his own profile picture which shows the young comic smiling with blood coming out of his mouth to signify that he has a particularly in-your-face brand of comedy that expresses pain and anguish in addition to jokes, a very popular approach to the art form. 97% of people polled said blood coming out of their mouth in a photo was the coolest thing they could imagine, 1% said an NFT of Chester Cheeto hanging out with Peter Griffin, and 2% were undecided. “I have a picture of me where it looks like I got beat up and I’m holding a baseball bat over my shoulder and like, licking the blood off my lip. It’s so cool,” Hilary Jefferson, 26, commented on the poll, “People immediately started treating me like an influencer after I posted it.” Stock prices for fake blood doubled after the poll results were announced and businesses are now creating logos with bloody mouths to appeal to a hipper audience.

Comedy Writer