Catholic Church Says Some Dumb Shit About LGBTQ Community Again
RELIGION — In a move that people are calling ‘predictable’ and ‘same shit, different day with those assholes,’ the Catholic church has, for some reason, reminded the world that it does not accept same-sex unions. “Priests cannot bless same-sex unions,” Pope Francis declared wearing his little hat that he believes gives him special powers. The antiquated, misguided, and almost completely forgotten about by civilized society, religion is wrought with stories of violence, rape, assault, and generations of systematic sexual abuse. Catholics have done more to harm innocent people than the vast majority of world leaders, but they have yet to be officially considered a terrorist organization or cult. Catholic priests are performers who pretend to bless the sick, students, teachers, prison inmates, new buildings, cars, guns, and warships, but they cannot bring themselves to bless a same-sex couple who has just gotten married and is experiencing love more profoundly than a priest cosplaying in a gown made for dipshits will ever know. “They called it ‘sin’ or whatever that stupid fucking word is that they use for everything they don’t like,” Mark Callahan, 32, a former Catholic told us in a phone interview, “I’m so excited to get married to my boyfriend this weekend and just completely not give a shit about that stupid shit.” The Catholic church has been condemned by many for its long-held stance on this issue, but leaders of the Catholic church reportedly live inside of a bubble and are completely oblivious to how the real world operates. Pope Francis is expected to show up somewhere uninvited in the coming days, and act like it’s a real treat for everybody that he’s there.
