Chauvin Sentence Just Long Enough to Definitely Get Murdered in Prison

Pictured: Derek Chauvin feeling the tingle of a gigantic target forming on his back.

UNITED STATES — As the trial of Derek Chauvin, the Minneapolis police officer who murdered George Floyd in the street last year, launching the United States into a summer of civil rights protests and clashes with the police, comes to an end, many people are wondering if the 22.5-year prison sentence he received is long enough. “I feel like it should have been longer,” Marissa Tyler, 26, an audience member in the courtroom told reporters, “but it’s cool because he’ll definitely get murdered before he gets out.” Chauvin has a long career of violent infractions and overly aggressive behavior which will surely add to the gigantic target that has already claimed most of his back while he is incarcerated. His behavioral problems ultimately led him to choke George Floyd for over nine minutes during a minor legal dispute, killing Floyd in a viral video that enraged the entire world. The moment was seen as a clear representation of the United States’ severe problem of systematic racism and violence against people of color at the hands of the police. “I wish it was a longer sentence, but I doubt he’ll survive a year, so I’m happy,” Benedict Lindell, 30, another courtroom witness, told reporters, “I can’t even imagine. Maybe he’ll like it in there because he can fight people again. He’ll definitely be getting into a lot of fights. Like, he’s so fucked.” Although the mild victory is a good sign, a lot of work must still be done to correct the problems of racism that exist in the US. For now, at least, people can take comfort in knowing that Chauvin will for sure be brutally murdered before he even gets close to serving his full prison sentence.