Child Crying Over Popped Balloon to Be Given Something to Really Cry About

Katie Plum, 5, cries for no fucking reason.
Katie Plum, 5, crying for no reason.

HOUSTON, TX — Citizens of Friendswood suburb in Houston, Texas spent the last week demanding local child Katie Plum, 5, be given something to really cry about after neighbors witnessed her crying over a popped balloon. “Doesn’t she realize she lives in one of Money Magazine’s top one hundred places to live? Spare me your little popped balloon act,” Shonda Lynn, 53, neighbor of the Plum family, told reporters, “That little rat has a Nintendo Switch. I lost one of my thumbs in a corn husking machine when I was five years old. Katie ain’t got shit to cry about.” Katie’s parents spoke in front of the community during a weekly Zoom meeting held by homeowners in the area. “We told Katie she would be given something to really cry about if she didn’t stop crying,” Katie’s mother Sarah Plum, 36, told her neighbors, “She didn’t stop crying so I slapped her and told her about the history of sexual abuse in our family. I told her all about her father’s drug addiction and how he was a prostitute when I met him. I told her how hard her father and I worked to get out of the lives used to live. That shut her ass up real quick.” Some parents on the call reportedly clicked Zoom’s ‘thumbs up’ reaction button to show their approval of Plum’s actions, and others clicked Zoom’s ‘hand’ reaction button to show their affinity for slapping children. Katie Plum is currently banned from using her Nintendo Switch until the end of the week.