Cis Man Adds “He/Him” to Email Signature, Receives Key to City
CHICAGO, IL — Amidst riots, protests, and civil unrest throughout the US, a day of peace occurred in Chicago over the weekend when an anonymous source alerted Mayor Lori Lightfoot that local customer service agent Seamus McMahon, 34, had changed his email signature to indicate his pronoun. “Nobody has ever been confused about his pronoun. He is the most basic guy ever,” Mayor Lightfoot told reporters during the key giving ceremony, “Literally one hundred percent of people who have assumed his pronoun have nailed it, and that is why it was so brave of him to list his pronoun in his email signature.” The key giving ceremony lasted for three hours, with over twenty speakers all hailing the decision made by McMahon. “The gesture of adding ‘he/him’ to his work email signature is as empty as this key to the city we are giving him today,” Award winning musician and hometown hero Chance the Rapper said during his speech, “but I think it’s important to highlight good things that guys named Seamus have done.” Other Chicago citizens up for receiving the key to the city included a medical researcher responsible for creating the first successful COVID-19 vaccine, and a very important activist and member of the trans community whose name nobody could remember.
