Clean Clothes Sit in Hamper Long Enough to Become Dirty Again

UNITED STATES — Spencer Belview, 34, assumed his girlfriend would put her clothes away within a few days of cleaning them, but he never expected what would happen after a few months. “She hates putting her clothes away,” Belview reported in a phone interview, “I got tired of asking her to do it because she would just get annoyed with me, but then she left her clean clothes out for so long that they actually became dirty again and began smelling worse than any dirty clothes I’ve ever smelled.” Deena Murkin, 30, Belview’s girlfriend of two years, declined to comment. Neighbors of the couple, who live in a one-bedroom apartment on the second floor of a three-floor walk-up, reported an awful odor coming from the young lovers’ first home together. “It smelled like fucking garbage. Them mother fuckers need to keep they shit clean, and they better not use the god damn washing machine we all use, or I swear to god,” one neighbor, who requested to remain anonymous even though their way of speaking will most likely reveal their identity to anyone who knows them, told reporters. After leaving her clothes unfolded for 91 days, the smell of Murkin’s once clean shirts and pants were compared to the smells of fish vomiting on dead land animals and a grown man urinating on the floor of the children’s section in a public library. Sources close to the couple have reported that after receiving a notice from her landlord, Murkin has put away her clothes and the situation is currently under control.

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