Cuomo Turns Out to be Exactly the Kind of Guy He Looks Like
NEW YORK, NY — New York governor Andrew Cuomo, once beloved for his hard stance on COVID-19 restrictions, is now under public scrutiny for being sexually inappropriate with at least seven women. “The guy looks like a creep, so I’m not surprised,” Mike Derulo, 40, a construction worker in Manhattan told press in an on-the-street style interview, “Look at his face. Every movie about a rich and powerful guy that looks like him has at least one scene in it where he’s weird as hell to a young woman. Thank god he doesn’t have a wife to cheat on or he would be cheating on her with like coke dealers’ girlfriends and strippers and shit all god damn day.” Cuomo has denied the allegations brought against him and is refusing to resign despite mounting pressure from his colleagues in the democratic party. “When I read what he did, I was like, ‘yeah, of course he did, look at him,’ and I’m sure there is even worse stuff that hasn’t been reported on yet,” a former female employee of the governor’s office, who requested to remain anonymous, told us in a phone interview, “I quit purely because he looks like every stereotype of a gross, older rich guy in New York, and I could tell things were going to get weird.” The majority of New York citizens have reported that they consider this situation to be categorized as ‘same shit, different asshole’ and they do not support Cuomo’s defense.
