Doctor Thinks Job is Part of His Name Now

CHICAGO, IL — Friends and family of Vladimir Noctis, 32, a recently graduated dentist practicing in Lakeview, are claiming that the young doctor is now insisting that people say the word ‘doctor’ when referring to him. “He wants us to call him Dr. Vlad,” Michael Barrett, 33, Noctis’ friend of six years, wrote in a group chat to their other friends, “and it’s like, go fuck yourself dude. Just because your parents paid for school so you could put your hand in the mouths of children for a living like a fucking psycho, that means I have to respect you now? No. That mother fucker’s name is Vlad.” According to sources close to the friend group, Noctis has become ‘annoying’ and ‘a bitch’ about his new title in recent months, claiming that it is a sign of respect to include the title in his name. “He’s a bitch,” Igor Noctis, Vladimir’s brother, replied in the group chat, “He told me he wants to ‘take over the world’ with his business. Mother fucker, you’re a dentist. Go brush your teeth and shut the hell up.” Dr. Vlad could not be reached for comment, but sources close to the group have informed us that he is currently shooting YouTube ads for his business, and that his ‘friends’ are planning to roast him in the comment section of each video.