Fourth Richest Man in the World Turns Out to Be Creep
UNITED STATES — In an unsurprising turn for billionaire tech giant Bill Gates, 65, a new report indicates that he may have stepped away from the Microsoft board for reasons other than philanthropy and charity. “Dudes a fuckin’ creep,” Shauna Diston, 46, an employee at Microsoft told news outlets, “He does this little ‘aw shucks’ bullshit and then clumsily hits on women like a loser. He gave me a backrub one time that made me throw up and I had to go home. If he didn’t have money, he would not have been able to cheat on his wife, and his wife would have ended up being some weird bitch as annoying as he is.” Gates was being investigated for having an affair with a Microsoft employee in 2000 when he decided to step away from the company last year, announcing that he wanted to focus more on his charitable endeavors. “The charity was his wife’s idea,” Diston continued, referring to Melinda Gates, a former employee of Microsoft, who recently divorced her husband of 27 years, “He doesn’t give a fuck about people. He thought it was awesome that companies were making money on the COVID-19 vaccine. He’s just another rich piece of shit, like, what do you expect?” Gates is expected to lay low during the remainder of his divorce proceedings and avoid bringing attention to the fact that he was friends with Jeffery Epstein.
