Friend’s Birthday Present Estimated to Be Ready Just in Time for Next Birthday
UNITED STATES — After roughly 40 weeks of procrastination, Michael Davenport, 33, has finally announced an estimated time frame when he’ll be ready to send literally anything to his friend Jerry O’Connell, 31, as a birthday gift. “I feel dumb because I asked for his address like eleven months ago,” Davenport reportedly confessed to his girlfriend, “I acted like he was about to get something really cool in the mail, and I feel like with each passing month I look more and more like a psycho. I’m just going to wait until his next birthday to send him the thing I’m thinking of.” The “thing” was originally supposed to be either a record player or something Davenport built, neither of which ever sparked any kind of motivation for the unemployed creative to make a move. According to sources close to Davenport, he decided to send his friend a Japanese graphic novel, something towards which his friend has never shown interest, and a video game that was priced under $20. “I think he’ll like it,” Davenport nervously said to his sleeping girlfriend, “I’ve never played the game, but I was into that manga for a little bit.” O’Connell has stated that he does not care about his birthday and that it’s “fine.” Davenport has made plans to mail the items to O’Connell at some point over the next few weeks, and then text him before it arrives to let him know about the nice thing he did.
