Global Study Indicates Every Woman Likes Roller Skating

WORLD — A global study performed by a small research team based in Norway has produced data indicating that every woman on Earth likes roller skating. “We went door to door to every living situation on the planet and asked the female occupants if they enjoy roller skating,” Eirik Johansen, lead researcher of the study, told BBC World News, “and seriously, all of them do.” The 15 yearlong study used a sample size of every woman on the planet, approximately 4 billion, with almost every woman claiming that she does, in fact, enjoy roller skating. “Shit, I could go roller skating right now,” Maya Hernandez, 30, told the research team, “I haven’t thought about that shit in a minute. I love roller skating.” Critics of the study believe it is impossible to interview every woman on Earth, and that even if you could, there is no way that 100% of them like roller skating. “Some people emailed us,” Johansen continued in his BBC interview, “We got a couple calls too, but yeah, most of them were just door to door and they all liked roller skating. I mean, it took a long time. I’m not saying it didn’t take a long time to interview everybody. If you don’t believe us, ask the nearest woman to you right now if she likes roller skating. Ask her. See what she says. I’ll wait.” The study has been reproduced on a smaller scale hundreds of times in many different areas of the world, and every attempt has ended in the same result: Women like roller skating. The team is scheduled to receive a Big Research Award (BRA) for its findings later this year.

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