Jeff Bezos Sets Date for Own Death
UNITED STATES — Amazon founder Jeff Bezos and his brother Mark have announced that they will fly to space on July 20 and they do not have plans of returning to earth. “I’ve wanted to go to space my entire life,” Bezos said during an uncomfortable press conference, “and I’m happy I finally get to take that adventure with my best friend.” Experts suggest that typically when someone refers to their brother as their “best friend” it means that they are considering suicide. When asked how long the two men would be spending time in space, Jeff laughed, and Mark reportedly looked at the floor as if he was afraid to speak. “We’re not coming back,” the billionaire muttered into the microphone before taking his brother's hand and leading him out of the room. Sources close to Bezos’ ex-wife, Mackenzie Scott, have reported that she believes that Jeff is planning to kill himself, but he doesn’t want to die alone so he’s forcing his brother to die with him by promising to leave all his wealth to his brother’s family. A Twitter poll that attracted over one million votes found that almost 45% of Americans would not be upset if Jeff Bezos died and 55% think rich people are wild.
