Kombucha Revealed to Be Mixture of Poop and Carbonated Water
WORLD — Kombucha is a widely accepted fermented tea probiotic that has gained massive popularity in western society within the last decade. “I hated it at first,” Melanie Burns, 26, a US citizen, commented on an online poll posted by the company GT’s Raw Kombucha asking people to vote for their favorite kombucha, “Then people told me I should like it so I learned to like it, but THEN someone told me it’s just poop and water in a bottle and now I can’t drink it. That’s gross.” The comment was promptly deleted by GT’s Raw Kombucha, but not before it was screenshot and investigated by online sleuths, triggering loads of studies to be posted showing that Kombucha is created by putting dry cat poop put in a jar of carbonated water and burying the jar underground for 10 days. GT’s Raw Kombucha issued a statement on their Twitter rejecting these studies but the company’s post was proven to be misinformation and was promptly removed by Twitter. “You can put all the inspirational bullshit on the bottle that you want but it’s still old cat shit in a bottle of carbonated water that was buried underground for ten days,” Arie Devo, 68, a historian at UCLA wrote online, “They talk about how the recipe dates back to 221 B.C. like that makes it better somehow, but everything sucked in 221 B.C. and I personally don’t want to drink cat shit.” GT’s Raw Kombucha sales dropped slightly after the reveal, but a study performed by GT’s suggests that most people who already drink kombucha have openly expressed their indifference towards consuming poop and would probably drink placenta if they had the chance.
