CHICAGO, IL — Residents near the North Center area of Lakeview have recently been complaining amongst each other about local landscapers using unnecessarily loud motorized landscaping tools when they could be using tools that don’t consume gasoline or make noise, and that complaint reached a new volume once a landscaper was revealed to be carrying around a running motor, not attached to anything, and pretending to work. “That dude was just walking around with one of those loud ass motor backpacks and pretending to blow leaves off the sidewalk,” Mark Blinksy, 40, a married father of two told local news after the story broke, “I knew it had to be something like that. They just walk around running these loud ass motors, and I asked my wife if they’re actually doing anything, and she said she couldn’t tell. I knew they weren’t though.” Although the landscaping company for which the unnamed man works has officially stated that their employees only use top-of-the-line equipment to deliver impeccable service, they are currently investigating whether the incredibly loud motor was attached to anything or blowing leaves around at all during the incident. “Whatever happened to good old-fashioned rakes, you know what I mean?” Blinksy continued, “I got a rake right here. I’ll rake this whole neighborhood for free, right now, just because it needs to get done.” The landscaping company has stated that their contract allows their employees to get paid for using leaf blowers even if there aren’t any leaves to blow and that Blinksy will face legal action if he gets in their way like they can tell he’s going to.