Loud Coworker Labels Everyone ‘Quiet’
CHICAGO, IL — Employees of the prolific marketing research company BlendIn located in the Loop district of downtown Chicago were shocked to learn that despite speaking at a regular volume like normal people they are all actually considered “quiet” by the loudest employee, Brenda. “Everyone’s so quiet!” Brenda Mackey, 45, the loudest employee at BlendIn shouted during a recent meeting which took place over group video chat, to a team of people who did not know what to make of the comment, “I’m not saying it’s a bad thing! I’m just saying. Y’all are quiet!” Before the company’s employees began working entirely from home, Mackey quickly drew attention to herself by being the loudest person at BlendIn, regularly reaching the top of many employee’s “avoid list” for her long-winded stories and off-putting way of giving people permission to speak like she’s conducting the conversation. Although all of her coworkers regularly communicate at a volume that most people consider comfortable, Mackey has recently made it her priority to call people “quiet” whenever anyone speaks. Management has agreed that she is “funny” and will not be taking disciplinary action against her behavior. Sources close to the mother of two say that she is interviewing with another company and that although she has loudly expressed how much they want her and how good the job is, she’s probably exaggerating because “that comes with the whole loud thing.” After verbally assaulting the rest of the marketing team, Mackey announced Friday that she is “good for a drink and some realness” in an offer to hang out with people which has yet to receive more attention than feigned excitement and vague, impossible planning.
