Man Claims Playing Video Games Until 4am Does Not Affect Mental Health At All
CHICAGO, IL — Clint Piven, 30, has been playing the popular video game “The Legend of Zelda: Windwaker” on his Nintendo Gamecube every night from midnight to 4am, and he says it hasn’t affected his mental health at all. “I feel fucking insane today,” he told his fellow part-time coworker at a local bar, “But I don’t think it’s because of playing video games until 4am. I think I’m just not a morning person.” A ‘morning person’ is defined as someone who is able to wake up before noon and not mention it to everybody. These personality types are particularly rare in most occupations. Piven claims that playing video games has actually improved his relationship with his partner. “I’m home during the day a lot, and my girlfriend has a real job, so I think she likes that she gets the bedroom to herself for a few hours while she sleeps.” Piven’s girlfriend could not be reached for questioning but sources close to the couple have reported that she hates having a Gamecube in her living room. “She hates the Gamecube because it makes our place look like a college dorm in 2006,” Piven continued, “but that’s her problem so I’m not worried about it.” Windwaker is estimated to take an average of 35–40 hours to complete. Piven is on hour 55 of his campaign, and he is excited that he has at least half of the game left. Piven is currently under probation at his job for being late to work every day since his employment began.
