Local Man Somehow Locked into Going to Virtual Show
CHICAGO, IL — Chris DeLarno, 31, told sources Thursday that even though he doesn’t like the performing band, he already promised them that he would tune into their live streamed performance, and they would definitely be able to tell if he wasn’t watching them. “They can see everyone watching the show,” DeLarno told sources, “It’s just like when I would promise to go to shows in person that I didn’t want to go to, but now it’s on my computer and somehow more anxiety inducing.” After the COVID-19 pandemic caused live performances across most of the globe to be canceled, virtual live events have greatly increased in popularity. “I also promised the people I’m watching it with that I would watch it with them,” DeLarno continued, “I have like two friends that I see regularly, and they want to watch it really bad and they keep being like, ‘see you Friday!’ and I’m like, fuck.” The show is expected to last two hours with three opening bands. Audience members are encouraged to stick around after the show to awkwardly communicate over video chat with the band, but DeLarno has expressed that he would rather poop his pants on a crowded bus than participate. The band’s music can be found in Bandcamp’s experimental industrial noise metal section under the name Bitch Tits. Bitch Tits is the conceptual music project of one man, Martin Lathrop, 24, who uses a distortion pedal with an AUX plug touching a metal pot that Lathrop hits with a wooden spoon while he screams incoherently into a microphone that he holds in his mouth. Admission to the show is $25.
