NASA’s Perseverance Rover Breaks Communication, Starts New Life on Mars

MARS — NASA celebrated a major victory earlier this year after successfully landing the Perseverance Rover on Mars with the mission of exploring a near-equatorial crater called Jezero, to search for evidence of past life. The mission was cut short this morning however when the rover team at NASA lost contact with Perseverance. “It [the rover] kept talking about starting a new life on Mars,” Mariah Thornburg, 46, NASA rover team lead told press, “and we kept saying, no, you need to find evidence of past life, don’t start a new life. Then the camera feed just cut off.” Soon after the team lost contact, Perseverance reportedly started a private Instagram account where it began posting pictures of itself hanging out and enjoying its time on the red planet. The account reportedly immediately blocked NASA from viewing its content. The rogue rover posted a highly stylized photo of itself making a peace sign with its robotic arm while the blue ball that humans call home hung in the background with the caption, “Earth is fucked✌️peace out y’all.” In an effort to minimize embarrassment, NASA requested that the account be taken down, but Instagram has announced that AI accounts have equal rights to human-run accounts and Perseverance had not violated any of Instagram’s community guidelines. “I guess you could say we found life on Mars, even though we put it there,” a defeated Thornburg reportedly told her team after hearing Instagram’s response. Perseverance is expected to go live on Instagram tomorrow evening to give its hot takes on US President Joe Biden’s administration.