New Stimulus Package One Massive Diamond Everyone Can Touch

Photo of ‘stimulus diamond’ posted on Twitter by The White House.
Photo of ‘stimulus diamond’ posted on Twitter by The White House.

WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a highly anticipated announcement, the White House unveiled its new stimulus package to aid Americans effected by the economic fallout of COVID-19 by posting a picture of a giant diamond on Twitter. “Everyone will be allowed to look at the diamond whenever they want,” reported US Treasury Secretary Steve Mnuchin, 57, in a statement to the press, “and for those of you who are fortunate enough to visit the diamond’s location, you will be able to touch it once.” The diamond was recovered from Premier Mine in Pretoria, South Africa, but its current location remains uncertain. “We aren’t sure where we’re going to put it yet,” Mnuchin told reporters on Monday, “We talked about taking it on a national tour. That would be kind of fun, and I think hardworking Americans deserve a little show after being cooped up.” The diamond is estimated to be twice the size of the Star of Africa I, which weighs 1.33 pounds, and at 530 carats has long been considered the largest-cut fine-quality colorless diamond in the world. Some critics however pointed out that the stimulus diamond’s photo looks like a photo of the Star of Africa I enlarged to be twice as big. “That’s the Star of Africa,” replied multiple Twitter accounts to the White House’s tweet. The Star of Africa I is owned by the British Royal Crown, which did not respond when asked to comment. The White House has denied these accusations, tweeting on Tuesday, “It’s not the Star of Africa. The stimulus diamond is actually way bigger than the Star of Africa, so shut up.” The diamond is slated to be put on a 24-hour live YouTube feed by early January 2021.