New Texas Gun Law Last Effort to Stop People Moving There

UNITED STATES — Texas state rules used to require a person carrying a handgun to have a license, training, and background checks, but legislators passed a bill that will now allow anyone to carry a concealed handgun without a permit. “I’m excited because I think this law will finally make Texas a completely unappetizing place to live for most people,” Texas senator Ted Cruz said in an interview before burping a hot dog out of his mouth and onto his shoes, “Dang, sorry, I need to deal with this. The last thing I’ll say before I suck this hot dog off my shoes is, I think this will be a great way to stop the violent mob of people moving here from LA, and ultimately that’s what every Texan wants.” Cruz then dismissed reporters to lick cold hotdog sludge off his shoes. Many Californians including high-profile celebrities like Joe Rogan began moving to Texas when the COVID-19 pandemic lockdown became more serious in Los Angeles than in other areas of the United States. Political experts agree that this aggressive new gun law, which met numerous warnings from gun control and safety groups, is an effort by Texas to keep people, especially Californians, away from the longhorn state. However, experts also agree that people from Los Angeles are remarkably less stable than Texans and they could potentially overrun the state and make it into whatever they want within a few short years. Gun violence and gun fatalities are expected to increase dramatically among Texans, and the newly increased Texas population is expected to balance out once the law goes into effect.