Newly Vaccinated Population Returns to Treating Grocery Store Employees Like Complete Shit

UNITED STATES — As Coronavirus vaccines become more widely available to larger groups of people, some citizens in the United States have noticed that they are now able to return to one certain form of normalcy. “I told a bag guy at Whole Foods to ‘shut up and bag my groceries’ yesterday,” Rita Morison, 65, told press a few weeks after receiving her COVID-19 vaccine, “We treated them like gods for so long. It feels amazing to go back to knocking them down whenever I feel kind of upset about something else.” Grocery store employees were considered essential frontline workers during more serious stay-at-home orders earlier this year. The designation caused many people to praise the widely under-appreciated working class despite the fact that they would normally treat them like complete shit. “I used to think grocery store employees were basically target practice for my rude comebacks,” Marcus Donovan, 66, a wealthy oil baron and donator to the republican party, told press after receiving his COVID-19 vaccination, “but I actually started to respect them during the pandemic. I’m so glad I regained my sanity before we passed any kind of minimum wage law or anything. I mean, these dip shits definitely don’t deserve $15 per hour.” Amazon famously stripped its part time employees of health care benefits last year, a move that other grocery store owners are calling ‘awesome.’ Grocery store employees are currently barred from receiving COVID-19 vaccinations.

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