North Korean Military Passes America’s Got Talent Audition

Pictured: A screen capture from the North Korean military’s audition tape to compete on America’s Got Talent.
Pictured: A screen capture from the North Korean military’s audition tape to compete on America’s Got Talent.

ENTERTAINMENT — After stirring the internet with a video showing members of the North Korean military performing various Coney Island-level strongman shows and pain exhibitions, the popular television series America’s Got Talent has announced that the entire North Korean military force will be competing in its upcoming season.

“It’ll be hard for them because we literally have a million of these kinds of guys,” Donna Sheffield, 36, a representative for AGT told media newsgroups after the announcement, “but I think the fact that they are the North Korean military will get people excited. I mean, they won’t win, but it’ll make some interesting headlines. Whatever gets ratings.”

North Korea’s dictator, Kim Jung-un, 37, who can be seen in the video leaning to one side and slowly clapping like he fully understands the complete shitshow his country has become, stated that he has built an “invincible” military. However, nobody could have predicted that he meant that his soldiers would run around and hit each other with sticks and lay on beds of nails like a scrapped martial arts performance at Disneyworld in an attempt to secure a spot on the US-owned talent show, but all reports indicate that he has succeeded with his plan.

“They literally punched some bricks in the video, and we were like, are you serious? Like, what the hell was that? That sucked,” Sheffield continued, “but then we realized that was the beauty of it. It’ll be one of the funny bad ones that people make fun of online. Again, whatever gets ratings. AGT is as big of a bullshit parade as the country of North Korea, I mean, let’s be honest.”

The North Korean military is expected to enter the US on a short work visa to film the show and will be sent home once they inevitably get voted off after the second or third round. The US government has issued a statement saying it is “not worried” and “can’t wait to watch.”

America’s Got Talent airs on Tuesday nights at 8 pm EST.

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