Off Duty Crossing Guard Still Wearing Vest ‘Runs These Streets’
CHICAGO, IL — Drivers in Lakeview were confused Thursday afternoon when Carol Boden, 70, a crossing guard for a local elementary school, was spotted stopping traffic in a few very unconventional areas. “She just walked across the busy ass street like nobody could touch her,” Barry Millin, 36, a driver who encountered Boden on Ashland Ave, a popular main drag that runs through Chicago, told press, “She had the vest and everything, so I thought I was doing something wrong. I did not for one second consider the possibility that maybe she did not actually run these streets.” Boden stopped a total of fifteen cars on four different streets, resulting in four separate accidents. The events occurred shortly after school while Boden walked back to her house roughly one mile away from her post. Residents in the area say that Boden makes the 2-mile round trip in an effort to stay fit, but sometimes she will wear her vest during the walk because she believes it gives her powers similar to a completely lit-up ambulance or police vehicle. “I slammed on the brakes and a guy rear-ended me and I broke my wrist on my steering wheel,” Donna Stonewall, 42, reported, “That old bitch is lucky she’s a cop or whatever she is.” Government officials have condemned Boden’s use of power but have confirmed that crossing guards are immune to typical traffic laws and do, in fact, ‘run these streets.’ Boden could not be reached for questions but is expected to return to her crossing guard post for normal school hours Friday morning.
