Oncoming Family Taking Up Whole Ass Sidewalk
CHICAGO, IL — Elissa Washington, 35, was astonished when she came face to face with a family on the sidewalk that refused to make room for her. “This big ass pack of breeders is barreling down the sidewalk at me and I’m like, I bet they’ll make room for me like normal people,” Elissa told local media outlets after the incident, “but they just kept taking up the whole ass sidewalk and I had to get off in the grass and they just looked at me like it made sense because their family needed the sidewalk. At that moment, I understood why mass shootings happen.” Washington works the front desk at a popular real estate brokerage, and she says she’s no stranger to land wars. When the family, described as “two dick-ass looking jackal-head dipshits with their three dipshit, dickless sons,” got closer to her, she knew they had left their home that day with no intention of being considerate or generous with the space around them. “Families that size need to be locked up,” Washington continued to the journalists, all of whom were wrapped in attention, “I’m single and I don’t have kids, because I care about other people.” No charges are expected to be brought to the family, but the government has released a statement urging families to get in a line or yell at their kids, or something, so that they don’t look like a bunch of dumb, absent-minded assholes, just multiplying and wandering their way through life.
