“People Were So Mean to Britney Spears,” Friend Sobs Out of Nowhere

CHICAGO, IL — Jennifer Michaels, 29, thought she was going to spend a quiet evening playing video games on her computer when her roommate Tonya Brittain, 27, came home and immediately dived into dissecting the malicious treatment of pop star Britney Spears by the media and her family. “She came home sobbing,” Michaels wrote in a text message to her boyfriend, “I asked if she had watched the documentary about Britney Spears that just came out or something, but she said no. She’s just been thinking about it for a while.” Spears began her meteoric rise to pop legendry at age 2 and has had her mental health become the subject of numerous jokes and digs over the course of her life. “People were so mean to Britney Spears,” Brittain cried into a pillow for almost 3 hours. “I asked if there was anything else going on that could be the cause of why she was actually crying,” Michaels continued in her texts message, “but she screamed no, it’s Britney bitch. Which I though was rude at first, but then I thought it was funny.” Michaels reported being unaware of any recent news about Spears’ legal struggles against her father, Jamie, but she did hear that the popstar and Las Vegas icon has a funny Instagram profile that she plans to check out at some point in the future.