Poll Finds 40% of Americans Support Donald Trump Just to be a Dick

Pictured: Cool guy with cool shirt.

IOWA CITY, IA — A recent study conducted by the University of Iowa to find out why 40% of Americans still support an openly racist, sexist, amoral and unhinged egomaniac as president found that everyone voting for Trump is doing it out of spite. “I just kind of don’t care,” Bill Walters, 60, one of the 10,000 surveyed Trump supporters laughed during his interview for the study, “I mean, Trump is doing a bunch of crazy shit, but I just hate Hilary. I couldn’t vote for Hilary or whoever is running.” The current president of the United States is largely considered the worst to serve in the country’s brief history and his behavior has only gotten worse since the beginning of his term. “Dude’s a fuckin’ psycho, but I love it,” Miranda Ramirez, 19, told the UI research team, “It’s so funny and like, but also rapist immigrants shouldn’t be allowed to live in this country, and seal team six was killed by the government before they killed Bin Laden so I don’t care.” President Trump famously rose to power by appealing to rich people who are assholes and poor people who are assholes. “Assholes love assholes, what can I say?” Walters laughed ominously, “We’ll just keep pooping in each other’s mouth until we all ideally die on the same day.” The presidential election that will determine if Trump serves for another four years or passes power to his opponent former Vice President Joe Biden is scheduled to take place in a few weeks. The UI research team is pleading with supporters of Biden to not mess this election up.

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