Rejection Letter Needs to Stop Apologizing and Get to Point

BOSTON, MA — Michael McFarland, 30, has been job hunting for six months and has yet to find a rejection letter that doesn’t pussyfoot around for three paragraphs before getting to the point and crushing his dreams. “Any letter that starts with ‘thank you’ I just delete before even reading it now,” McFarland told us in a phone interview. McFarland is looking for a video editor position, but he says that at this point, he’ll take anything. “Coronavirus messed everything up!” McFarland continued, “Now I can’t get a job because there are millions of unemployed people who are more qualified than me.” The US unemployment rate has increased dramatically since the beginning of the COVID-19 outbreak which caused countries all over the world to effectively freeze all business dealings. “When a company says they’ll ‘keep your resume on file for the future’ after three interviews, they might as well jerk you off and then slap you in the face with your own cum,” McFarland said in a remark that confused most of our staff, “Just get to the point! Tell me I didn’t get the damn thing and stop wasting my fucking time.” McFarland has three more interviews lined up this week. One interview is for a video editor position, one is a grocery store cashier position, and the other is a managerial position at a Jimmy John’s inside of a Starbucks.