Rocks Outlawed After Being Used to Kill Gunman

Pictured: Deadly weapons that were tragically used to murder a sane gunman during a playful shooting.
Pictured: A stockpile of deadly weapons that were tragically used to murder a sane gunman during a playful shooting.

FORT WORTH, TX — In a tragic turn of events, police say a man recently lost his life after shooting four people, killing one, at a party, and then fleeing from the other party-goers who soon beat him to death with rocks.

“It’s just sad because rocks are everywhere, you know?” one Texan gun lobbyist said in a statement that is being described in other states as tone-deaf and “maybe he doesn’t know what happened” a week after the incident, “I think we need to outlaw loose rocks as soon as possible before another tragedy like this happens again.”

The murder took place around 1 a.m. Monday during a small gathering in a backyard. The gunman, who had legally obtained the firearm, injured three people and killed one after getting into an argument. Things got out of hand when the other party-goers picked up rocks, which were reportedly illegally obtained, and tragically murdered the gunman.

“We do not advise using something as dangerous as rocks to defend yourself,” police said during a press conference after the stoning, “It’s sad that people are able to obtain rocks so easily still in this day and age.”

The few people who committed the stoning against the gunman have been arrested and are being tried for murder with a deadly weapon. An outcry against rock violence put rocks on a fast track towards being outlawed in the lone star state. The local Texas government voted unanimously to outlaw loose rocks and get rid of background checks for firearm purchases to make it more appealing for people to buy guns instead of rocks.

A plan to use taxpayer money to dispose of every rock in Texas has begun its early phases and is expected to be carried out before the end of September.

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