Russian Citizens Abstain from Abusing Bear for First Time in Nation’s History
RUSSIA — In an astonishing historical decision made by Russian citizens Friday evening, Russia recorded its first instance when a group of its people had the chance to abuse a bear and decided against it. “This is a big first step for Russia,” said Russian President Vladimir Putin, “I am reminded of something we used to say in school. We said, ‘bears are for treating bad,’ but today we do not say that. I will continue to treat bears badly, but it is very neat, I think, that this group did not do that.” The group in possession of the bear reportedly released it into the wild without shooting a rifle over its head, amassing a group of people to yell at it, or requiring it to play hockey or partake in circus performances before its departure. Russian people expect that this event will make Americans feel a little warmer towards them, despite the fact that their governments fundamentally oppose one another. “Even Russia is gay now,” Donny Brooks, 24, a recent college graduate, tweeted about the incident from his parents’ home in Miami, Florida. American President Joe Biden has made it clear that he thinks Russians are probably still abusing that bear somehow. The current whereabouts of the bear are unknown, but most wildlife experts in the area agree that it is probably dead from hunger or whatever else by now.