Snowstorm Really Thought More People Would Be Stuck at Work
UNITED STATES — As record snow fall covers most of the US in a storm that experts are saying could lead to major delays and cancellations, the storm itself has voiced concern over being unable to ruin as many lives as it could have if the country wasn’t enforcing COVID-19 restrictions. “I thought everyone was going to be at work,” The storm boomed over our building as our storm-tracking professionals translated its noises into English, “but everyone’s at home already so I’m just making it cozy for people like an asshole over here.” Weather experts maintain that every storm has its own unique set of emotions and intentions. “Storms are like us,” Mandy Foster, 40, leading Milwaukee storm researcher, told our team, “Some storms just want to help people with crops and whatever else, and some storms are dicks. This storm is probably just a dick and it’s throwing a fit because it can’t be more of a dick to people. That would be my best guess.” Scientists in every state agree that the storm is increasing in size and power at an unusual rate. “People think this sort of thing is caused by climate change, and yeah, that is part of it, but it’s mostly because the storm is pissed off or something,” Foster told our team. Public safety officials are urging citizens in most of North America to stay home due to the severity of both the storm and COVID-19, but clarifying that it’s mostly because of the storm right now.
