Street Magician Hates Himself More Than You Ever Could

Ezra Bordeaux, 29, does a little flippy thing with his little deck of cards.

MILWAUKEE, WI — Witnesses are still reeling from last night’s performance where 29-year-old street magician Ezra Bordeaux made it very clear to everyone in front of the Hilton Milwaukee City Center Starbucks Cafe that he hates doing magic more than they probably hate watching it. “This guy yelled at us to watch his show like he was already mad at us or something,” reported one witness who requested to remain anonymous, “Then he messed up, I guess, I didn’t even really know what he was doing.” Bordeaux, a regular street magician in the Milwaukee area, was attempting to do card tricks for the unaware audience of ten people at around 6:30pm when he reportedly broke down. “He said ‘who cares?’ after everything he did,” said another witness of the event, “Then he got one of the tricks right and we were about to clap but he said ‘yippee’ in a super sarcastic tone that just kind of ruined the whole moment.” Bordeaux performed for 15 minutes before reportedly yelling ‘good night assholes’ to the confused crowd and going into Starbucks to use the bathroom. Bordeaux is set to feature in various DIY variety shows in the Milwaukee area this weekend.

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