TikTok CEO Just Big Stupid Dog
BEIJING, CHINA — Moments after announcing that the popular short-video-sharing app will be forced to sell its US business by the Trump Administration later this year, TikTok revealed to an unfazed global audience that its current CEO and co-creator is just a big stupid Bloodhound. “I knew it had to be something like that,” said one anonymous TikTok user, “I mean, I love it, but a dog calling the shots makes total sense.” Like most TikTok users, Bloodhounds are known for being stubborn, independent and having a lot of energy. Bloodhounds can be difficult to train because they are so easily distracted by all of the world’s wonderful smells, similar to the process of scrolling through the many wonderful videos that give TikTok its appeal. “His name is Zongse, which is Chinese for brown,” reported one spokesperson for TikTok, “Because he’s a brown dog, so you get it.” An account with the handle “GOOD_BOY_ZONGSE” was created for the bloodhound and quickly amassed a following of 90 million users. It is estimated that the social media giant doubled its worth by announcing the true identity of its CEO, a move that many other businesses are already copying. Twitter announced that its CEO will literally be a bird by 2021, and GrubHub revealed in a heartfelt essay that its original CEO was a bullfrog that tragically passed away before the company reached the success it enjoys today. Zongse, 10, lives with his family in a house he purchased in Beijing last year for ¥47,000,000 CNY (roughly $7,000,000 USD).
