Two Guys on Everest Pretty Nervous About Other Two Guys on Everest With COVID-19

Pictured: Four people who are probably dead.

CHINA — Mountaineers at Everest base camp have reported that two out of four people on the mountain now have Coronavirus, and fears of a serious outbreak around the fabled mountain range are beginning to rise. “I guarantee Mike and Brian have it,” Chodha Marmet, 39, a Tibetan Everest Sherpa working with a group of three British climbers told BBC news over radio transmission, “so me and the other guy in their group, Nick, are like, pretty nervous about that.” Base camp officials said that they’ve seen numerous climbers recently begin exhibiting COVID-19 symptoms and most have either gone home to quarantine or gone to a hospital in the capital Kathmandu. However, there are currently four people still climbing Mount Everest, half of which are suspected to be infected. “If we all get infected, then I would consider that a pretty serious outbreak, yeah,” Marmet continued, “but these guys are paying a lot of money and they’re pretty like, stupid and shitty rich white people who won’t admit weakness, so I don’t think they’re going to stop climbing the mountain until they’re all dead. I’m probably going to just leave them tomorrow morning.” Soon after telling BBC that he was planning to abandon the group, Marmet was interrupted by his fellow climbers and the transmission was lost. Officials confirmed that Marmet made it down the mountain safely the following day and are assuming that the three British climbers are dead due to a combination of exposure, COVID-19, and Marmet beating up two of them to get away. The local government is no longer letting white people climb the mountain until the outbreak is under control.

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