US Citizens Stop Wearing Masks in Effort to be Little Stinkers

UNITED STATES — As Spring edges closer and Coronavirus vaccines become more readily available, many people in the US and around the world are prematurely ditching the behavior they’ve been conditioned to follow for the past year. “I barely wore a mask anyway,” Mike Blunt, 36, revealed in an on-the-street interview with citizens of Phoenix, Arizona, “and now that there’s a vaccine it’s like, what’s the point? I’m just going to be a little stinker and refuse to put one on now.” Blunt told press that he would not take a vaccine even if one was currently available to him. Many of the people who were interviewed that day shared Blunt’s desire to be considered a little stinker. Disease and epidemiology experts agree that people should still be wearing masks and adhering to social distancing guidelines to prevent a national relapse. “It’s still bad, you guys,” Dr. Anthony Fauci, director of the U.S. National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases and chief medical advisor to the President, told press this morning, “We’re where we were at when things were really bad like, in the beginning. Remember that?” The crowd of reporters in attendance did not respond, partly because they thought it was a rhetorical question, and mostly because they did not remember. Coronavirus vaccines are scheduled to be made available for the entire US population by May 2021. Experts have stated that it is ‘entirely possible’ that the vaccines will not matter, and that we are all doomed.

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Austin Mooney

Austin Mooney

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